For most of my life I was one of those people who firmly believed that being driven and future-oriented was the correct way to approach life. I was the little girl who always knew where I was going to be in the next 5 to 10 years. Or as much as any young person could ever plan their future. I was certain I was going to be a chemistry major, I wanted to follow my father's footsteps in pursuing a degree in chemistry where I would land a great job after college and live a happy life.
When I entered high school I new that I needed to follow the honors student track, taking the honors classes, graduating in the top 10% of my high school class, and participating in clubs and sports. By the time I was in my senior year I felt that I was driven and accomplished, poised and ready to enter college with my plan in place: get a degree in chemistry, join a sorority, graduate, get a great job, etc. So what I did not anticipate was change. I had set myself up to follow a single story, and unfortunately that did not go as a planned.
Now I am in my junior year of college and I have done none of those things. I am at a school I never thought I would end up. I am majoring in a field that I used to think was pointless, and I am not as highly involved as I would like to be. When I entered college and everything stopped going according to plan I was devastated. I was so unhappy that I switched schools once, switched majors five times, and did not join a club until this year. I became paralyzed at one point. I, who had always known what I wanted, had no idea what I was doing. I was very lost, and as an individual who thrives under structure, I found that I had nothing to cling to. I hated that feeling, nothing caught my attention and I was so, so sick of people telling me that I shouldn't rush choosing a major, that it would come to me eventually. Well, they were right, but I hated that they were right. For that past two years I just took classes, I was uncommitted and uninterested. I eventually pulled myself together, and regained stability, but it wasn't easy and I learned a lot of hard and painful lessons.
This year, I feel that I have regained my footing, and I have gained perspective on how important embracing change and being flexible is. I was following and limiting myself to a single story, and when that single story did not go as planned I was devastated. Now I know that a lot of a person's 20's is unpredictable, scratch that, a lot of LIFE in general is unpredictable, and for as much as a dislike deviating from my single story, it is necessary. I can't stop it and now I have grown enough to know I don't think I would want to. I am in no way one hundred percent okay with change, it still makes my stomach hurt, but I am aware that it is necessary, inevitable and for the most part healthy. So, now I live trying to acknowledge that living a single story is not realistic and I am okay with that. I am actually the happiest I have ever been, so I guess I should say, "bring on the change, I am ready!"
-Emma
I'm glad that in this case you were able to come out stronger in the end(: Change is always scary, but I'm personally a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, so I've learned to go with the flow and even if I don't accept change, I've learned to embrace it.
ReplyDeleteI can easily relate to your story because it was always decided that I was going to go to college but my mom never included that I was to go to college and find a job that makes me money, not necessarily one that makes me happy. I understand that it's because my mom didn't grow up having a lot of money and she wants me to have more than she did, but when I told her that I wanted to be a tattoo artist she was mad and disappointed and told me I was just wasting money. In the end I found something that made us both happy, but I feel that my mom had a single story about me, and how I'm supposed to be everything she isn't. This is unfair though, because everyone makes their own mistakes and learns from them, but you can't make another person learn from your mistakes. Mistake's are meant to be life lessons, and all of these life lessons, good and bad, contribute to our lives and make us the beautiful people we are. (:
Emma,
ReplyDeleteAfter meeting you this summer, I am so glad that we have had this class to get to know each other better. Through all of your posts this semester, I have learned just how awesome you are. I can relate to your points about having a "useless" major (English over here!) as well as feeling like having to follow a plan. Story of my life! (Get it?) Anyways, I agree with your point about the single story. It can be difficult to embrace change after feeling like you have to follow a certain path. I know that greatness waits at the end of your path either way!
Like you, I strived for several years throughout high school and the first year or two of college to fit into a single story. I thought that there was a single path to fostering happiness and success. I believed that making lots of money would make me happy. I thought I was going to go to law school and become a lawyer and make lots of money. Then, when I realized that law school was not the right thing for me, I tried again to fit into a single story, thinking that instead of law school, I would get an MBA and become a hedge fund manager on Wall Street and (again) make lots of money. I don't know why I forced myself to think that money drives happiness. Perhaps it is because the media and pop culture in our society trains us to think that way. I have since realized that this is not the case, and I have discovered where my true passions lay. Since becoming an RA 15 months ago, I have discovered that I am extremely passionate about student affairs. That passion has fueled my desire to pursue a Master's degree in higher education and student affairs. While I know that I will not make as much money as a student affairs practitioner compared to what I would make as a lawyer or as a hedge fund manager, I know that I am following my passions. I have changed my outlook on what fosters happiness and success. I firmly believe that passion drives happiness, which, in turn, creates success. If one is happy following their passions, then I believe that they will be successful from their own point of view. It is obvious that you are ready to take on change, and I applaud you for that. I know that you have a very bright future ahead of you. Continue to follow your passions and to do what makes you happy, and you will be well on your way to painting your own picture of success. Heck, you already are!
ReplyDeleteEmma, thank you for sharing your story. It must have been hard to realize, accept, and admit that things may never go according to plan. I also believe that you are thriving in college no matter what. I think that being in college does not have to mean that you are in school for an extra four years to complete the requirements to either get a job or go on to more school. In a way it is about finding yourself and who you truly are. I think through this story that you have seen that and it makes me so happy! Girl, keep doing what your doing and you will be successful in what ever path you choose!
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