A Single Story Gave Me No Glory

For most of my life I was one of those people who firmly believed that being driven and future-oriented was the correct way to approach life. I was the little girl who always knew where I was going to be in the next 5 to 10 years. Or as much as any young person could ever plan their future. I was certain I was going to be a chemistry major, I wanted to follow my father's footsteps in pursuing a degree in chemistry where I would land a great job after college and live a happy life.

When I entered high school I new that I needed to follow the honors student track, taking the honors classes, graduating in the top 10% of my high school class, and participating in clubs and sports. By the time I was in my senior year I felt that I was driven and accomplished, poised and ready to enter college with my plan in place: get a degree in chemistry, join a sorority, graduate, get a great job, etc. So what I did not anticipate was change. I had set myself up to follow a single story, and unfortunately that did not go as a planned.

Now I am in my junior year of college and I have done none of those things. I am at a school I never thought I would end up. I am majoring in a field that I used to think was pointless, and I am not as highly involved as I would like to be. When I entered college and everything stopped going according to plan I was devastated. I was so unhappy that I switched schools once, switched majors five times, and did not join a club until this year. I became paralyzed at one point. I, who had always known what I wanted, had no idea what I was doing. I was very lost, and as an individual who thrives under structure, I found that I had nothing to cling to. I hated that feeling, nothing caught my attention and I was so, so sick of people telling me that I shouldn't rush choosing a major, that it would come to me eventually. Well, they were right, but I hated that they were right. For that past two years I just took classes, I was uncommitted and uninterested. I eventually pulled myself together, and regained stability, but it wasn't easy and I learned a lot of hard and painful lessons.

This year, I feel that I have regained my footing, and I have gained perspective on how important embracing change and being flexible is. I was following and limiting myself to a single story, and when that single story did not go as planned I was devastated. Now I know that a lot of a person's 20's is unpredictable, scratch that, a lot of LIFE in general is unpredictable, and for as much as a dislike deviating from my single story, it is necessary. I can't stop it and now I have grown enough to know I don't think I would want to. I am in no way one hundred percent okay with change, it still makes my stomach hurt, but I am aware that it is necessary, inevitable and for the most part healthy. So, now I live trying to acknowledge that living a single story is not realistic and I am okay with that. I am actually the happiest I have ever been, so I guess I should say, "bring on the change, I am ready!"

-Emma

                                                                                         

Feedback

A common feeling that comes to mind when I think about feedback is that awful screeching sound that a microphone emits when you step too close to the doohickey and the thingamabob. The next thing that comes to mind is another feeling of pain because feedback means I have room for improvement and I like to unrealistically believe I am perfect. I know that is not a smart way to live, thinking that there is no room for self-improvement, in fact, the Emotionally Intelligent Leadership model is largely based upon self improvement. Feedback is not my favorite thing, but I learned through the years about how I can work on being receptive of feedback, because feedback shines a light on areas that need improvement and also in areas where you excel.

So this is what is discovered about my relationship with feedback. I need to remind myself to be open to it, to acknowledge the value of it, and to invite it into my daily life. I found that I am more receptive to feedback if I invite it into my life as a friend, and not as a negative entity.  What I found to be interesting was that once I began to invite feedback into my life it became a very useful tool for personal and group development. I asked a coworker about feedback of my my leadership style and embraced the good news along with  the areas where he told me I could improve. I will be honest and say I did not want to believe I needed to improve but hearing from a peer that there are some things I can work on is motivational. So even though it may not be my greatest friend, feedback is my greatest mentor.

Being Kind Is More Than A Simple Rewind

Being Kind Is More Than A Simple Rewind
Local college student figures out kindness is pretty groovy.


So I stand for a lot of different values, some political, ethical, religious, and most of all practical. When I first wrote down what I believed in for this blog post I wrote: "I believe in listening..." well to be honest that is way too specific and I do believe in a heck of a lot more than listening. Before I tell you what I believe in I would like to give a run down of how I determined what exactly I wanted to believe in that spoke to my values.

The Contributing C's:

Citizenship: So this one is important to me because as a sociology major we discuss a lot about what  it means to contribute to your society and also what it means to belong to your society. Honestly, we all live in differing levels of society, whether it is a society of high or low income, a group who chooses to stand on the side of love over hate, a group who feels that race is a non factor in their everyday lives or those who feel that race or gender or sexuality warrant hate and exclusion. So when I think about what I believe in, in terms of citizenship, I believe in kindness. I believe that since I would want to be treated with kindness regardless of my standing in society that I should do the same.

Controversy: Well it may come as a shock to you all but....I....avoid...conflict. I am confident enough in my self-understanding to know that conflict makes me ill, so here is what I think of when I think of how I would deal with controversy. Whenever conflict arises, I fear that high tempers and poor listening will stand in the way of quick resolutions but I also think that there is a way to have a conflict without verbal bashing or violence (this is for a more localized conflict scenario. i am not a strategist, or a politician so domestic and foreign affairs are most likely not to be solved through this method. I am not claiming to bring world piece, I promise). I think that it is important to be kind during conflict. Now I am talking about the level of kindness that come sin the form of respect and patience and the ability to walk in their shoes for 15 ft (not a mile, because like seriously, I am not a masochist). Listen, be respectful, and just remember that no matter how angry you are the best way to be heard is through your acts of kindness, not your acts of aggression.

Common Purpose: So what is one thing that we all learn from a young age? That one rule where we are taught that if we want to be treated a certain way then we should treat others the way we want to be treated? You know,  something that includes no name calling, toy hogging, etc? Oh yeah, it's KINDNESS. We all have plenty of common goals that shift and adapt depending on where we are in life, but I think it is safe to say that from early on, we are all taught that our common purpose is to be kind throughout of lives.

So my belief is obviously KINDNESS. But just because the cat is out of the bag doe not mean that I have to let the baby out of the bath water and send it straight to hell in a hand basket! So I will discuss a fourth C to give just a tad more insight to my thought process and how I feel kindness is a believe that can be strongly continued through the Social Change Model.

Collaboration: A great and effective way to collaborate and spread social change is through kindness. Now what  I like about kindness is that it is multi-dimensional. Like I have stated in previous paragraphs, kindness is all inclusive in terms of being a descent human being. It contains respect, active listening, sticking up for yourself (being kind to yourself), being fair, and on and on. Collaboration is largely based on the successful meshing of a group, and kindness is what can drive a group to find their strengths and correct the spots where they are lacking.

So kindness is what I believe in, and I promise, I am not naive enough to think hat kindness can solve world problems, end hunger, give everyone access to education, end hate crimes, etc. But I do know that kindness is where solutions to the BIG problems start. Kindness is a teacher encouraging you to follow your dream and setting you up to create social change. Kindness is a best friend promising you that while some people may hate you just because of what you look like, who you love, and how much money you make, you are loved and should just continue to ignore the hate the best you can. Kindness is a job offer to a person who desperately needs a life distraction or the steady income. So I believe in grassroots social change, with the optimistic view that it will continue making a global chain reaction. So be kind kids, and do more than just rewind.

Please feel obligated to listen to One Direction's new single. I don't know how it got there but it sure was kind of them to release a new single (ilovethemsomuch).

-Emma

Let's Get Ethical!

The Group: Emma, Lydia, Brittany

The Ethical Dilemma: Do you keep the secrets of your organization even if it is NOT ethical behavior? (E.g. The Delta Gamma email that was leaked, the Alpha Gamma Delta alumni at The University of Alabama, etc. )

Response: Whether or not we would keep the secrets of our organization would be based upon the type of secrets we are supposed to be keeping. If the secret is harmful to members or to the general public in any way then we would have to tell the secret. We would ultimately want to be a part of a group that choses to do no harm or a non-maleficent group. 

The Dilemma Model(s): 

• Truth vs. Loyalty-if the secret is harmful, cruel, or a-moral, then the truth would have to over-come loyalty. If the secret was not doing any harm to an individual, society or object, then loyalty would be more important than truth. However, in this situation, if the behavior is not ethical then TRUTH is more important than loyalty.
• Justice vs. Mercy-If the secret is not ethical, then it would be a priority for justice to be served. 
• Long Term vs. Short Term-when the unethical secret has been revealed and put out into the public then it would be a painful experience for the entire group, not just the individual in the short term. However, in the long term, the group itself will be able to redeem themselves and build anew, creating healthy, inclusive and ethical secrets that build prestige and honor within the group.

The Thinking: The thinking in this scenario would be most effective in a group setting, that way people could make sure that all three forms of thinking are being employed to determine whether or not a secret should be revealed to the public. Rule-based thinking is going to be important to understand the repercussions that will result from the secrets and the reveal of the secret. Care-based thinking is important to look to those who have been, and will be affected if the secret is revealed or if it is kept a secret. The End-based thinking will be crucial for when the group is looking ahead to see how the reveal of the secret will affect their group once the secret is revealed. Will the group be seen in a poor light? Will the group be able to regain their honor after time and retribution has been accomplished? These are the types of questions that End-based thinking will be able to answer. 

The Decision: If the secret is an ethical, healthy, and inclusive secret, then yes, it is ethical to keep the secret. If the secret is harmful, cruel, and unethical, then it is NOT ethical to keep the organizations secret. 

The Breakfast Club Group Dynamics

The Breakfast Club Group Dynamics

The Breakfast Club

Group dynamics consist of Purpose-Structure-Time

• Purpose: To not grow up to be their parents
• Structure: Working Group
• Time: Eight-hour Saturday detention

Forming: Each student’s behavior is driven by the need of acceptance. For example, when Bender gives Brian a nasty look for making walrus sounds Brian immediately stops. An additional broad example is when they each cover for Bender when the principle walks in or picks him out. They also actively judge each other when they first meet. The students do this by asking what each other did to get in detention, what clubs they are in etc. An additional idea in forming is gathering. This is seen when they all avoid conflict even if they are being sarcastic. For instance, when the principle asks them all to raise their hands they all do.

Storming Phase:

Throughout The Breakfast Club, the group of students seems to be in a constant state of storming. They challenge each other, and contest ideas and beliefs of other group members. For example, Bender confronts the other members in the group. There are important issues that emerge in their confrontations. Their different backgrounds drive their differences in opinion. The social circles they come from influence their actions in this new and informal, group setting. Whereas the princess, Clair, and the jock, Andy, see and discuss themselves as being “well-liked” by everyone, the brain, Brian, talks about not even liking himself. These differing views of self-worth contribute to the constant storming the group encounters. Even when they reach levels of norming, they consistently fall back into patterns of storming.

Norming: The roles of the group are clear. When Andrew and Bender are in an altercations Claire makes fun of them. For instance, when Bender mocks Claire and her lipstick the others call him out and tell him it is unfair. Also in the development of this section they group begins to appreciate each other. For example, when Brian is ashamed about being a virgin Claire is compassionate because she can relate. This also shows that they are each feeling more comfortable about talking about subjects such as sex and family dynamics. The theme of acceptance is also seen when they spill the contents of their purses and wallets, while smoking together, This is when they learn more about each other. Also, the group begins to work together with the whistling, raising hands, following Benders directions especially after he sacrifices himself to save the group.

Performing: When the group finally moves into the “stage of equilibrium” it is one of the most identifying aspects of the “Performing” stage. All members of the group are forced to finally come together and discuss their ideas, their backgrounds, and their stories, in the hopes of successfully finishing their essay, and making the most of their unpleasant detention together. While they are initially unable to even speak to one another, they are now able to talk about their darkest and innermost thoughts. This is the true beginning of a “longterm relationship” in the performing stage. The things the characters choose to share are beyond what is needed for the 1,000 word essay. Now, they are sharing things about themselves in the hopes of becoming closer as individuals, and even as friends. In that sense, I believe they finally began working towards a common purpose, and not just a functional relationship. Originally, I believed that the common purpose would be finishing the essay that was assigned to them, and not causing anymore trouble in the library. By the end of the movie, and after the initial phases of the group development model, the common purpose is a desire to understand one another, and think outside of themselves.

Adjourning Phase: The Breakfast Club will not be meeting more than once so they as a group must dissolve at the end. The unique part is that they are similar to an ad hoc committee in the fact that they discussed what would happen during and after their termination. Claire and Andy will go back to being popular and making fun of Brian and Alison, and the other four will continue to ignore Bender and treat him as a criminal. Due to the groups negative conflict approach, only reaching the understanding level of intercultural processes, and never truly leaving the storming part of group development the group must adjourn without reaching or achieving their goal or purpose.

Group Roles: At the adjourning phase of TBC, their group roles are clearly defined.

Brian-Mediator, Info Seeker, Clarifier

• Asks questions, why? Do they know?
• “Guys lets all calm down”
• Clarifies the group purpose to Mr. Vernon at the end of the film in the essay
• Tries to keep the peace between the group members
• Attempts to resolve conflict between others altercations

·       He expresses his interest in maintaining the friendships when school begins

o   He is shot down

Alison-Encourager, Summarizer

• Does not speak and followers the others for the first hour of the movie
• Summarizes what everyone has said in order to remind them of what they said
• Acts as a catalyst for change within the group
• Ex: Weird behavior, humor, positive thinking
• Submissive, influential
• Remains on the outside and looks in

Bender-Opinion Giver, Blocker, DOMINATOR

• Voices his opinions on everything from family life, to personalities to socialization of teens
• Promotes self indulging ideas
• Discloses hardships and lifestyle claiming these as factors that make him superior

·       Persona of hostility, avoidant, and fearful

·       Engages others in confrontation

Claire-Encourager, Opinion Seeker

• Seeks the opinions of others before she makes decisions
• Encourages others to join, includes others in the conversations and conflicts
• Makes other members feel worth while
• Has a constant need of acceptance
• Affirms others feelings

Andy-Gatekeeper, DOMINATOR

• Invites the opinions of others, makes sure both sides of the story are heard by all
• Fights for dominance and control of the group
• Expressive about his mental an physical toughness both on and off the wrestling mat
• Displays very limited signs of weakness

TBC scores Negative on the Riddle Scale of Attitudes Towards Differences

• Repulsion
• Pity
• Tolerance
• Acceptance

TBC only reaches the understanding level on the Hoopes Intercultural Learning Process

Communication Styles:

• Aggressive: Bender, Andy, Claire, Mr. Vernor
• Assertive: Alison
• Unassertive: Brian

TBC exhibits both the advantages and liabilities of conflict however throughout the course of their existence as a group they tend to function on the liabilities side of conflict and have a hard time benefiting from it.

 

Excuse Me, Your True Colors Are Showing: A Reflection

I have always had very strong personality traits, so when I was scored as a Gold for my true color and received a ISFJ, I read the descriptions and could not find a single aspect that I did not identify with. My love of lists, structure, routine, and order have always been a large part of my life. This is an example of the running "To-Do List" that I keep everyday.

Now before you all think all I care about is structure, I would like to say that I am also very dedicated to my relationships. I am very close to my family, both immediate and extended. I have a few strong friendships, while I do have acquaintances, who I enjoy and love to see, I very much lean towards the long lasting friendships. I have been really close friends with my current roommate, Anne, for six years. We have lived with one another for two years and were only separated for nine months in the past six years. We have built a very strong friendship through communications and she will be the first to say that I have mother-like tendencies, and have a high level of expectations for my friends because I hope they hold the same expectations for me. Here is a picture of her and I just so you all can see how much we are obsessed with one another (she loves me, I promise I don't force her to hangout with me).

Another important aspect is my interest in my family history. I am always interested in hearing what my family history is. I have recored my grandparent's stories, and have constantly inquired about my heritage (predominantly russian and eastern european).When my grandmother passed away in June, I was comforted by the stories people told about her and the pictures she left me.

Here is my grandmother at the age of 16, she is a ham.

When I told Anne about the characteristics of a Gold and a an ISFJ she laughed and said, "God that's so you, lame but fun at the same time". While her summary of my characteristics is a bit crass, I like to think that having the knowledge of my strong and weak character traits gives me the ability to better self-reflect and lead. Knowing my pet-peeves and how others might perceive my characteristics is helpful because I can now see how and why some people might get frustrated with me or I with them. I just have to keep in mind that I can and sometimes will have to adjust everyday, and that does not seem so bad if you ask me!

Some Quality Self-reflection

Influences
As a white, straight, female from the upper class, I always have to take a minute to think about how my personality and learning experiences are shaped by these life qualities. I have never gone hungry, I have never experienced violence or hate against my sexual orientation, religion, or race. My experiences with theses forms of hate are from secondary sources, and I am so fortunate to not have experienced such hate.
The most influential factor in my life has been my schooling. In my years at a waldorf school I learned cultural sensitivity, acceptance, about religions (Judaism, Catholicism, Islam, Protestant, etc.), I learned how there is more than one way to have a family, and an appreciation for hard work.

The next two factors that influenced my personality are my birth order and gender. I am the second born, I have one older sister, who is loud, demanding, and at times, a little scary. She helped me learn how to speak up for myself, be my own advocate, and self-reflection. She is very good at calling me out on my bull-shit. My gender has influenced me because my mother raised my sister and I as feminists who deserve equality, and cannot be confined to societal stereotypes.

I want to share a verse that we used to say in my elementary school days that I feel illustrates a lot of the core influences that I have built my personality and learning on throughout the years.

This is our school let peace dwell here, 
let the rooms be filled with contentment, 
let love abide here, 
love for one another, 
love of mankind, 
love of life itself, 
and love of God. 
For as many hands built a house, 
so many hearts make a school. 

It is cliche to say this, but life is very much one giant learning experience. It is essentially a school in my eyes. I hope to continue to learn and grow and apply this verse to my everyday life.

Personal Mission Statement
To embrace the constant changes in life and think of them as an opportunity to adjust. I promise to be kind to my self and to others, and to be more conscious of how often I judge others. I will use all of the talents I have learned to help others, and to spread positivity even when I do not feel positive. I will remember to be genuine, because I want others to do the same when they are with me. I will take one large dose of perspective each morning before I go out because that will keep me grounded and in the present. I will not worry about the future as long as I continue to work hard and chose the choices that I feel are the right choices.

My Four Letters

Introvert (11%)
Sensing (12%)
Feeling (25%)
Judging (56%)

I was not surprised one bit by my letter and I became aware of how they are ON POINT. I was reading a bit about how ISFJ have a "need to be needed", that is very much what I feel all the time. I also have close relationships and a fear of confrontation, and a desire for order. I felt good because I already knew a lot about my personality traits before doing this quiz but I was surprised about how close I was to being an extrovert and an intuitor. I figured I was a much stronger introvert, but I feel like this means I have a nice balance between the two.

Welp, off to watch some TV and cry about how Teen Wolf won't be on until 2014!

-Emma